And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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