You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
try to milk me bitch
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