Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
