I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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