So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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