he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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