I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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