I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
