I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
