i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
