New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
