I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
