My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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