Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
