6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
