I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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