he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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