hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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