She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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