I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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