Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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