I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
of course. lets lasso hookers.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
