Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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