She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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