I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
