do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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