I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
