Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
