Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
