So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
