After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
