She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
