Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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