Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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