I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
