Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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