His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
