What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
