So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
