my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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