At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Couch. On fire.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
