I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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