How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
