Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
