if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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