so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
