omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just google imaged poop.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
