Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
