when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
