3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Randomize
