I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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