I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
