Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
this will be a night to untag.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
