I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
