So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
