my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
