4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize