In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
