he wants to bone in the snuggie
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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