i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
