Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
