So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
