sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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