I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
