I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
