This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
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He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i need some magic done to my vagina
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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