If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
