hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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