I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
