Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
