He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
