my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
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I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
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View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize